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So yeah I'm back at least I think I am? Anyways I posted a new redesign of a character for a old series I tried to create when I first joined DA so many many many years back. Sadly I was Ill experienced and it killed my project, I had too many ideas for the series that it became more of pain in the ass, than a pleasure, so I push it aside for a few years while I focused on other failing ideas, but eventually I came back to it, due to some crazy ass design that I actually thought could work..... Ha ha yeah right! Anyways I tried to work with my crazy ass design idea that it would always end up making the project even more complicated, look let me get straight to the point, I'm 28 years old now and my talents have got me no where, I can't even finish a simple comic idea, let alone start it, so why do I keep trying, I think what it is, is that I don't want to see my ideas die, due to my lack of passion for my own craft. Because of the constant amount of ridiculous hours I work as a delivery driver for a family owned pharmacy.

To make this short I will be posting more artwork soon and the series I keep talking about is you guessed it....... SPUD...... But more details in the next coming months.
  • Listening to: Tomb Raider: Legends OST
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hey everyone just a little update for you all... I have stopped working on my secret project to re focus on ETERNAL DREAMS and The Combat Medic cartoons. The Script for E.D. is getting reworked from the ground up because the first book and the rest of the books will be seperated into 3 stories each book will focus on the Rewind (the past), Play (the present) and Pause (the source of both the past and present)  of a character in E.D. each book will connect a character's Play story to a previous book. books are going to be released as........

ETERNAL DREAMS 01: XAC (pronounced as Zack)
ETERNAL DREAMS 02: KENSHI
ETERNAL DREAMS 03: RICO
ETERNAL DREAMS 04: PAYNE
ETERNAL DREAMS 05: SENTO
ETERNAL DREAMS 06: RONIN
ETERNAL DREAMS 07: RA-JIN/RA-TOA
ETERNAL DREAMS 08: KENSUE
ETERNAL DREAMS 09: SHI (pronounced as Shea)

*Please Note the name of the characters will not be on the titles.*

I'm really getting hyper excitied for this as this project as been with me since I first joined DA 5 years ago (holy crap it's been 5 years!?) be prepared to see a old style reworked... in a ways.

also keep an eye out for some ED style fan art of some of my DA buddies Characters on here... well that's about it. Make sure you look for my book cover concepts for ED as well.

on another note I have condensed the character roster for SPUD and will begin posting model sheets or character designs.... the story has gotten alot darker as well and the script is about 85% complete the story will focus on the Power struggle between SPUD and WIRE and humans who help bring SPUD back to life...

keep your eyes peeled because I'm going to be building this gallery up each month...

catch you all later.
  • Listening to: Tomb Raider: Legends OST
  • Reading: nothing at this moment
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hey everyone so your all wondering why my gallery is well um empty, your all asking Where's the art where's POWER, where's ETERNAL DREAMS? where's the other stuff you had in there? well things have been hectic as hell in my life and those projects are too much at risk at being forgotten and since I hold them near and dear to my heart I cannot afford to pursue them any further mostly because I don't have the time nor the energy to focus on them at this moment, my school life is in shambles as I can't pass any of my 3d animation courses... so I am at battle with myself as I to try and find some kind of ground to get over this giant ass obstacle... but more I try I keep coming to one solution stop focusing on animation and switch my major... anyways since POWER and E.D. are going to be put on hold for some time...
I figured I would let you all know I have a secret project in the works a Graphic Novel I have been dying to start... sadly though no one here on DA will know the name or the characters in this project gotta make sure my idea is well hidden for the time being... and on another note POWER is being renamed once more (I know I know, make up my mind already god dammit!) that series is going to be called S.P.U.D. once more (yes I'm serious) as for that I have decided to make it into a online web (semi animated) comic. (Trust me the idea will work) I should have newer concept art for Supreme Power of Ultimate Destruction in the next few months as for the story well that's being reworked as well too many characters to focus on since SPUD is only going to be a short series I came to the conclusion that not alot of the little characters are needed to be remade.
As for E.D. I've been hard at work fleshing out the script for my Graphic Novel series (yes that's right I said Graphic Novel series... as in more than one book try seven to be exact...) I had to remove the earlier concept art for that due to the fact I wasn't happy with it... So that will go a major change in the next few months or more. The script is coming along great there's alot of backstory and action alongside some pretty deep drama in it as well. I hoping to have the first book completed before I graduate (that's if I graduate.)
As for the secret project, well like i said it's going to be a graphic novel the story is a what if story about super hero and their dark sides if you will... and yes I will be posting some concepts shortly in the next few days and just to let you all know 2 old characters are merging into this story, my lame named villain called (ugh shoot me) The Dentist (yeah I know wtf is wrong with me) and my vampire anti-hero hell bent on revenge Cassavantes they are getting much deserved redesigns because their stories in this graphic novel work so well. I'm hoping my idea is as big as Watchmen was (yes I'm excited about the upcomming movie) but I'll just have to wait and see where this will go.
well that's about it hope that everyone is having a enjoyable holiday and a safe one as well. Well keep an eye out for my new stuff.
  • Listening to: Ratatouille OST
  • Reading: the stupidty of the human race
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so i was about to check my email on yahoo today when I stumbled upon a article pertaining to a old heartwarming but well animated cartoon series in the early 90's me, my dad, and my older brother would watch on HBO (when it was free...) it was a show about an elephant who was a king of africa i thought..... and every sunday (possibly saturday) the king would have all these sorts of adventures.... well this show or series is celebrating 75 years of life (I guess I would say....) now apparently the creator of Babar (who is dead) made a series that promoted get this..... Imperialism, Oppression, and Racism..... hmm interesting.... since when did babar teach kids to be mean to others? since when did babar ever once suggest that little children across the world should demolish democracy? Since when did babar teach little boys that all little girls can be sexually harassed? Hmm seems to me human society has nothing better to do but nit pick classic cartoon that taught families good morals and being good people.....

just for shits and giggles I'm going to post the article that I got the wonderful urge to question the logic that resides in the human mind... and merely laugh it....

Controversial Babar celebrates 75th year
Big News Network (UPI)
Tuesday 8th August, 2006  

Babar the Elephant, the fictional pachyderm decried by some as a symbol of oppression and imperialism, is being hailed in France for his 75th birthday.

Babar, who lives in a world reminiscent of colonial-era French settlements in Africa, is being celebrated in France with postage stamps, a marketing deal with the Environment Ministry and a new book, Babar's World Tour, The Times of London reported Tuesday.

The cartoon elephant, which was created by Jean de Brunhoff in 1931 and has been under the supervision of his creator's son, Laurent de Brunhoff, since 1946, has been called a symbol of racism and imperialism by his detractors.

Sociologist Herbert Kohl wrote a famous essay, Should We Burn Babar? arguing the elephant's kingdom is one of racism and sexism.

Laurent de Brunhoff acknowledged some of the early works could be construed as racist and said he declined to reissue an early book, Picnic at Babar's for that reason.

It was the past. African-American parents do not seem to hold it against me. I often see them with their children at signing sessions, he said.

so many things wrong with this first off Babar was god damn friggin cartoon for christ sake.... It was created to make people laugh, or smile, or make them do good things... Todays cartoons only promote how make yourself into a bigger dumbass than you already are..... most of the cartoons don't even bother with the morals of characters instead it promotes how to piss your knowledge away by watching senseless non educational crap. (that means all the shows on CN and Nickelodeon)

Secondly why in the world is this such problem compared to the so called cartoons out today ( which is mere crap now) this is nothing comprared to the Simpsons, or family guy, hell even south park is (good and funny) but way too friggin edgy.

Seriously what's next The Adventures of Tin Tin is inappropriate for children because it promoted nazism or it taught children about communism, or that the characters were either getting shot at, or getting hit over the head by a blunt object, or they always kept getting kidnapped? So if little children see it they will eventually grow up and do the exact same things...

awhile back I was reading that Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson are planning on making The Adventures of Tin Tin movie... my reaction was (HOLY SH*T!!!) and i'm still excited for it... Jackson and Spielberg aren't just making one Tin Tin movie they are making all of the Tin Tin novels... and it's about damn time...

Hell if I hear someone wants to make a Babar movie I say go ahead.... but the point of this journal is this, Babar is a family classic and the fact that the human society had nothing better to do then find some messed up reason to talk about it just make me question why do people with good intentions always end up getting screwed because we as a society cannot leave anything that's good for anyone well enough alone.... thank you for taking your time out for reading this and I hoped you all had a good laugh as I did.
  • Listening to: my blood boiling
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*warning the following is full out bitch fest*

I have one question to ask society...... WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO ALL YOU FUCKING DUMBSHITS???????

Recently at my school alot of students have been suddenly losing their belonging. even some of the over protective professors have been losing their stuff as well.  oddly enough this missing items are not computers or laptops. it's more like hard drives, flash disks, ipods (though thats a given) or a handheld. (cell phone, PDA, or mobil game console) but now the newest thing on the market to lose is a Wacom tablet...... mine to be course. which I lost yesterday.... or so I thought I lost, you see I quite over protective about my stuff.... actually the entire senior class is over protective of their belongings. well anyways I was in my 12:30 class working on my classwork, I placed my wacom tablet in my bag and placed my underneath my desk so I go talk to my professor, meanwhile 3 kids that were coming in for the next class proceeded towards my seat and sat down, When i finished talking to my professor I went back over to the seat that is was now occupied. to retrieve my bag. Then my friend who once thought he lost his 500 giga byte hard drive last week decided to ask these kids if they had seen his hard drive last week. their reply was um.............................................................no,at that point i figured out A. They were lying and one of them stole it, B. they are fucking retarded or C. all of the above. both me and my friend went to look around the room some more until a friend of my friend showed up to teach the class at that point we decided to go talk to her. When we explained to her what was going on she decided to ask the same group of morons again. they still replied with um........................no. so then me and my friend left and go into another room. now skipping ahead when I got home I went into my bed room to get started on my work I started to remove all of my stuff that i had in my bag, suddenly I discovered my wacom tablet had randomly disappeared. at this time I began to freak right the fuck out.... i started calling my friends who were still at the school went to search the exact area the wacom was taken. but to no avail they were not able to find it. So now i'm sitting here fucking pissed off and on a god damn rampage, I swear to fucking god if those fucking kids stole my Wacom, I am going to fucking kill them.  (oh fuck this i'll get to the point)

the point is this what I thought I lost I found out was in fact stolen from me.... my friends and classmates know I never leave my school without all my belongings. someone intentionally went into my bag removed my wacom tablet and have (or probably are selling my Wacom tablet on ebay) and have fucked me over big time in my animation studio class which i need my wacom tablet to finish my work.... does human society have any fucking respect for people's property anymore!
  • Listening to: Haujobb - Slide (Glis rmx) - Vertical Mixes
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this is urgent and dreadful news

this came from a friend of mine of myspace   

Attention all Artists! Be on Alert!!!
Current mood: aggravated
Category: Art and Photography

Under the Orphan works, bill you are about to lose your copyright protection.
Congress is trying to pass legislation, making theft of your artwork legal unless we act!

Listen to the interview!
www.sellyourtvconceptnow.com/o…

Read the article
mag.awn.com/index.php?ltype=pa…

And we have Peter Yaszi to thank to trying to take away your rights.
www.wcl.american.edu/faculty/j…

not sure if DA is affected but in all honesty you can bet it will affect us, we have to fight back...
  • Listening to: Haujobb - Slide (Glis rmx) - Vertical Mixes
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so i haven't posted in a long while, but I been swamped with loads of school work.

i figured i post a list of things I hate

Lobbists
President Bush
nosy people
gamers who play games they shouldn't
ingorant parents
lazy parents
men who abuse women
women who abuse men
the constant unreasonable swearing in movies
anti- anything and everything groups
people who can't drive a fucking car
drunk people
people who consider beer as true alcohol
stupid people
people who bullshit
lawyers
celebraties
Holywood
the train station
business assholes
people who can't stand not being able to read their news papers on the trains
Emo
Punk
pop
new age rap
new age rock
stupid politicans
liars
cheaters
over the top fans
emo people
people who judge others
people who classify them selves as a certain class
corrupt people
people who abuse animals
PETA
NIMF (national institute of media and families)
dane cook fans
martha stewart
people who think they are better than others
people on drugs
Dick Cheney
stupid cartoons
TV shows from the 70's being remade today
comedians who aren't funny
the news
activists groups
the stop smoking ads
the smoking ads
fans of crappy bands
slipknot
religious groups
kids who think they can drive a car
people who think they know how to drive but won't get a liscense
people who ask stupid questions
people who believe they are better than others (though i might have said this already)
people who think they can sing, just because they can hold a single note longer than others
people who think new age rap is cool
extreme feminists
racists
people who hate gay people
illegal immigrants who demand the same privilages we get
child labor
people who abuse the elderly
gangs
mobs
organizations
people who play games on the computer
people who base their life on a computer
people who don't know respect
torture porn
new age horror movies
Eli Roth
Mel Gibson
Brittney Spears
any fucking celeb out there that's a fucking god damn attention whore!
smart asses
people who believe they are smarter than others
people who use their friends
people who steal (excluding: downloading)
people who don't shut up
picky people
assholes
people who are major douchebags
console fan boys
people who talk big
people who lie about themselves to make themsleves appear cool
people who cheat on their wives
over the top video games
people who rub desired items in your face when you can't get them.
people who make fun of you for owning a certain type of computer
bills
school


so ya that's my list for now.......

anyways here what's happening right now with my life, right now I'm in my pyshical visual science class learning about Optical Instruments. I'm kinda bored so I figured I would post a new journal, and well I guess I'm doing that. Anyways, today is Halloween (oh yippie fucking skippy) on my way towards class I saw a classmate of mine wearing a banana suit..... while standing on his skate board..... (guess not much thought went into that outfit....) I was going to dress up as John Constantine from the movie, but sadly my abnormal Psychology and Psychology professor said he doesn't want anyone dresssing up today.... I'm still jobless and hating it........alot........ and now all of my fricken classmates are  getting PS3's from their parents. What even more annoying (oh wait i gotta add this to the list) is that they are rubbing their prize in my face, when they all know full well that I want a PS3 but I don't have the money or the generous parents they have. I have to spend most of my money towards my car and this fricken school. Anyways I've been doing some freelance here and there, but not enough to keep me with money for a time period. My parents are my parents getting on my nerves every now and then. I have been working on my first issuse of SKETCHED, and currently rewriting the script to ETERNAL DREAMS, well it's more of an add on. Can't wait to pick up Guitar Hero 3 for the Wii. That's a game worthwhile talking about other than that stupid Manhunt 2 bullshit.... and I might be getting a kitten not anytime soon, but sometime next year. I also plan to purchase the new apple operating system for my mac book pro, (god I love this machine) been playing a new game called Vside, if you guys get the chance check it out. well I gotta go take it easy everyone.
  • Listening to: Wasteland: Unterart
  • Reading: nothing at this moment
  • Watching: Batman Beyond: The return of joker
  • Playing: Ratchet and Clank: Up Your Arsenal (PS2)/
  • Eating: Carrots/ Salad
  • Drinking: Water
okay so my step to recovey is getting better and I'm glad, my new lifestyle is working for the better of me, but there are times where I do get upset at myself and have asked the help of my friends to calm me down.....and you know what, I was once too afraid to ask for help and now I really can't believe it but I think I am becoming my age........

I recently have been changing a few newer habits of mine as well, before I came back to boston i rarely chatted with anyone, but now a days I chat with everyone I meet, also I have been playing more video games than usual.........................(wait that's not a bad thing!) but I have really big news to tell you all......

but that's for later.......

anyways back to me, I have been hard at work trying desperately to pass my classes, but in the process of my stride for excellence, I lost my job at starbucks at first I was disappointed but after awhile I was glad because my manager was letting me go not because she didn't like me, or that I didn't try my hardest, no she me go because she wanted me to have a life and my time at starbucks was taking me away to my one true passion, so after a year and 6 months of working for starbucks I was let go because I didn't meet the company's expectation......... before I left almost everyone I knew and worked with were actually crying...... because they lost someone near an dear to them........ I even actaully cried a little because I didn't realize how much of an impact I had made in their lives, I mean I was known to have butt head with some of the shifts but overall I was considered one of the best workers, but more importantly a great friend when my partners need to talk to someone.... I was even given a award as a token to the companies appreciation for all the work I put forth into the company...... I still form time to time stop by my old work place and say hello and share a drink with everyone.......

as for that I couldn't be any happier....... my family and I have been getting along better, and recently I have been making amends with enemies I loathed for years.....

now for the big news i promised you.

I am currently hard at work producing four not one but four comic series I have been trying as hard as I can just getting the concepts down on paper but hopefully by the end of the month I should have about 8 pages uploaded here inked, colored, and concept sketches uploaded along side with the information about the charaters as well.

the series that I am at work are the following

ETERNAL DREAMS- I plan to have 2 pages uploaded here, 1 cover, and 1 comic page

"SKETCHED"- I plan to have more character concepts, and a comic page about 2 to be exact

POWER- this is actaully the series SPUD but I feared that the title would have been mocked and that's something I didn't want to risk just recently I posted two of the following items, 2 character bio's 1 of SPUD, the other is of WIRE, i also plan to post a rough comic page of the comic, alongside with concept sketches of SPUD, and WIRE, and many more.

CASSAVANTES- this one I had put off but now I feel I should start it, I plan on posting a comic page more character designs, and a script of the first few pages of the series......

and I will be posting roughs of developmental characters and settings.

but other than that expect a lot of art coming this way......

well i gotta go and scan some concepts for you all to oogle at.....

Lata!
  • Listening to: Forsaken: Cesium 137
  • Reading: nothing at this moment
  • Watching: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
  • Playing: Return to Castle Wolfenstien (PS2)
  • Eating: Carrots
  • Drinking: Water
    I remember when I was smaller my grandfather told me something I have now finally taken to heart with, "You can never ask for the keys, to a door that has no keyhole, for that door will never open."
    Those were the very last words he said to me before he was taken away from me by lung cancer. your all thinking right now "where in the hell is this guy going with this?"
    
    Well let me get to that shortly, recently, there have been certain issuses that have been chaining me to the floor and leaving me alone to dwell within my own pain and desperation.
     I know that sometimes I come on here and just post random shit just for the sake of posting, and I know that I'm one hell of a horrible liar, which in my honet opinion I truly don't mean to be, I also know that my additude has never been pleasant, I know whine and complain at how much my life sucks. I know that what I have become as of right now, is a lonely, helpless, powerless, and sometime unintelligent human being, my grandfather would not have liked me to be, but when your someone like me whose tries to find a place in this world, and suffers from a daily basis case of Attention Defecit Disorder (ADD) things in life drag you down.
    
     I have been known to be annoying by many of my friends the following items your about to read is an online (sorta) converstation.

"no not really, you just need to grow up and take some responsibility and stop wollowing around like you're so deprived and depressed and that you'll kill yourself or something so that people will care and do something about instead of complaining all the fucking time."

"ok, let me put this straight, you've helped me out a few times, you never needed to back me up, in fact i'd rather of liked you not to, being nice and stuff like that goes only so far, and why i wanted to end it, is because you never gave me "me time", space, it was like every few minutes you'd call, or IM me or email me or find me at school, it got old very very fast, and it became annoying. your constant state of being hyper and not knowing when to shut up got annoying, me and (insert other friend here) both were getting really fed up with it...why did i want to end it? i honestly couldn't stand you anymore."

      After reading this I went into a deeper state of depression, my friend (even though its different for that person) was right, how can I live a life such as the one in phoenix if I wish to have any friends, something about me or something in my life had to change if I don't want that to happen to me ever again.
      
      I couldn't live a life of pain anymore, I needed to find what made me happy (besides drawing) What can I do to alter my habits? to alter my personalitily without changing the artistic visions that flow inside me...... I had to do something to help save myself from a 360 degree state of Isolation.... I talked with many of my new friends at school who have admitted to me that my behaviour is at times somewhat rude, and disrespectful, and very ill-child like. but they also said that when I do talk to them they are sometimes impressed with my opinions and wish to see that other side of me, over the other half that has consumed me all of my life.

      I worry too much about the little things or just give up on life, that is not me I never give up, so why all the sudden have I done all this to only myself and inner being? What controls me to act with out the process of thought?
     So last night I sat up in my bed and thought about everything that I have said and done, Who am I, The position of life that I have put myself into today, was it the right place for me to be?
     Then newer questions arose does the art I do make me happy?, I then went back to my grandfathers words, and then it hit me, I ask for answers to questions that have not answer.......  
     
      I have to find what drives me to depression, and what makes me hate the world (which I'm okay with) so I have decided to throw  away pieces of art in my gallery that are not what drives my passion for closure. but instead locks me up inside my own pain, anger, saddness, and distorted self.

      I have begun to stop complaining and start listening, I have also changed my look on my life and search for the happiness that is buried deep within my soul that has been longing to escape ever since any of these locks have stood in my way, I will post drawings that are depressing not to show my pain but the pains of others, the saddness thrusted inside my soul has taken so much away from me.

      I refuse to allow it to take anymore of my life before it's too late.

      I will explain further but I have to finish up my Digital Ink and Paint homework..... so this it is I am changing to save myself and to protect those that I care about.....
The War of Wires
June 12th, 2006
Recently in the news there has been a feude between the Phone and Cable Companies such as AT&T, Verzion, Comcast, and other companies. Are dueling with Internet giants Google, Yahoo, MSN, and Netscape, as to the fact of that these corporate giants are using the phone and cable companies pipe lines.

The problem with this is that the phone giants are banning their customers from using these search engines because they refuse to pay the phone company for using their pipe line.

What is making this a big thing is that companies such as Google, are fighting back and telling the phone companies to shove off, because the internet is a tool of free service designed for the public, and that it is a disgrace to the creator of internet, who was a damn hippie when he first  created it.

What makes this whole situation worse is that FCC is shoving their head in and is making this into an all out blood war, the FCC is demanding that either both of these sides find a common ground or they will take away the internet for everyone. which is ok but then again it's not.

as what was stated before the internet was created by a hippie who believed that his invention was for the public and not to be a tool of money it was only designed for the public for free.

If this gets any worse then the outcome will not be pleasant it will become a blood bath, and we will all lose we won't have anything to use except for the libarary.

In my honest opinion I feel that no should be banned or should have to pay for the internet, it is a everyday tool we all use. We shouldn't be paying for something that was designed for us, and it was designed for FREE!!!! By a HIPPIE!!!! I mean give me a break…. it bad enough that damn circus infested cockroaches are refusing to corporate but to have the FCC step in well I feel I will go hide in cave until the world ends.

and with that I bid you all a good night in nowhere's villie in middle the of hell.
========================================

The blind fold of the internet
May 30th, 2006
I went online to read an article about Internet censorship in the entire world. The topic is that certain types of sites and documents need to be hidden by the public.

The problem with this is that there is no solution to this problem here's something for all of you how secure do you think we all are… not very secure.

  Everyone knows that there are computer geniuses and that there are people who love computers lot that they will take as many precautions to protect themselves from people who hate computers and will do at nothing to make sure every last PC is dead.

So the government and every other government in the world have decided to create and invisible barrier that would help the government keep track of classified documents that cannot be leaked to the public.  This invisible barrier is only known as Internet Censorship.

  In China the Chinese government has banned it's people from using earth's most powerful and popular search engine known as "Google" the Chinese government did not allow the people of china do some searching that would bring up certain problems.

One huge issue is the discovery of free will and free speech. If a Chinese civilian is to discover these items they could possibly start up a Chinese revolution, which would be bad a thing. The problem with this is that they would have to block every single site from the public.           

My father told when I was young, he used to work for Digital and when the crisis in China was occurring back in 94-95 he told me that when this crisis was occurring the people of china contacted his co-worker with up-to-dates details through email.

The newest issue with internet censorship is the question " Is it right or for that matter fair?" the Chinese are not allowing it's people to have any contact with the outside world.

The sad part about this is that they are doing this to allow conformity to exist within this hard metal handed world or society.

Just recently the chinese police task force raided a monstary and arrested 3 monks. they have been charged for trying to start up another revoultion within the chinese government.

While during interrogation the police discovered that these monks were a part of an underground resistance group.

In my honest opinion I really don't have a say on this because "Big Brother" might be reading this and possibly could be considering me as danger to our society we all call earth.
==========================================


what you just read was two blogs I did for internet technologies class.

but my main problem is more family related, I have been working very hard to try to get along with my father but each god damn waking fucking moment in fucking tick tock land. is just another day fucking pain and agony.

I tried to be the fucking good son he wants me to be but I can't take it anymore. Each day either ends with "I fucking going to bed" or "you know what? your fucking right! your always fucking right I have no life because you make money over me." or the worst "I hate you"

We are always at each others throats and I'm losing more friends because of my anger issues. I've been kicking myself in the fucking teeth because I'm failure to my father because I'm not son he wants because I want to be an artist. I feel that whenever I speak my mind that is the last few moments of life I have left before he jumps on me and drive me beyond the point of suidicide to being that has no exisitance to have a reason to breathe.

What makes this worse is that I'm the one who ends up feeling guilty when I don't want to get into a fight with him over something stupid. I can't take it anymore. I got a job at starbucks because I was told to, I went to college because I was told to, I was told to stop acting dark because I was told to, I give up I've tried everything and now I can't even be happy anymore I can't stand it.

I've threatened my mother that if things didn't change around my house then I would move out, but my father beats me down and drags my soulless body back and convinces me to stay.

but now what really killed me is the fact that I can't have friends anymore I feel like a total fool trying to be friendly with everyone I've met, I just found out that I don't deserve them. I was told by someone in phoenix that he hated me, he hated me art work, he hated the heart the logded inside my chest. and I was never a friend to him.

I've been getting multilpe calls from other friends expressing their haterd towards me and I feel pathetic.

this may be the last time you will all see me and guys I know at NEAI don't tell anyone about this.

who knows maybe I'll go hide in a hole in cave, curl up like a fucking ball, and die because that's what it seems to me.

My so-called friends and father would be happier if I was dead and out of their misery.
Ok folks here's the deal. I've been working my ass off designing and writing a series of cartoons and comic strips I plan on releasing my first series of characters sometime this month. anyways the series is about 4- or 5 guys living together while one of them is engaged they all live together is 6 room apartment. This series title is on a halt because I'm having a huge problem coming up with catchy title. anyways this series is about nothing to something. It ranges from dropping your handheld system in the toilet because you were doing something that you shouldn't have been doing in the bathroom.  Or desperately trying to find a parking spot in a crowded T-station. Pretty much the series is about everyday life situations. Along side that I will do little mini series within the series sorta like series featuring "Other" characters. And also another series that has to do with the main series about Superheros trying to do things they can't do. like for instance a superhero trying to get a Latte for free at a local coffee shop.

Anyways on to bigger news you read the title correctly I am hosting a contest in order for me to complete my piece I need facial expressions. Series ranges from sad faces to enraged faces. I need at least 5 people with a different look I need 5 guys and 5 girls and a total of 31 facial expressions that I need. I will be hosting the contest from Today until my 21st birthday. I will announce the winners and plan to reveal my first comic series. When the winners are annouced I will do my part of the contest and draw them in my series or one of their characters practically anything they desire will be drawn by me, unfortunately it will take some time for me to do the characters I will start to post about the contest if I have come into any problems that could effect my contest and or series.

please I just want normal pictures no photoshop, on specail effects nothing I want pictures nothing fancy, just pictures. and no porn!!!!

you will be contacting me at my yahoo account   let me know who you are. If you don't I will delete the email not cuz I'm a jerk but I will think it was spam. also in the email send me links to what drawings you might want me to draw. who knows I might draw some of the contestants just to show you all what the series is going to look like. Here is my account static21212@yahoo.com

Good luck to those who enter. have fun and be safe
Okay what you are about to read is from my essay for my English mid term which I took today.

please enjoy

Chris Pascarelli.
Mrs. Larkin

English 101


Many people believe that ghosts exist. They even claim to have encountered ghosts personally. For example, Myra, whose mother passed away when she was a child, believes that ghosts exist because a photograph of her mother fell face down on the anniversary of her death. Jennifer says the people who used to live in her apartment many years ago visited her in dreams. One of them, a woman wearing a 1920's style dress and carrying a suitcase, told her that her roommate said "it was okay" to stay for awhile. The alleged existence of ghosts is often cited as evidence that there is life after death and that there is more to us than our physical bodies. Do you believe in ghosts? Do you believe in an after-life? What has led you to believe this belief or disbelief?

To be honest with you I'm more of the borderline believer. I believe that some of these stories (examples) of ghost existence could have happened. But here's the thing let's take for example Jennifer's story. She said that he had a visit with one of the ghost not in real time but in her dreams. This makes me speculate on this. How can ghost exist if they can only visit us in our dreams. I believe that Jennifer only dreamed this and not actually witnessed it with her own eyes. Instead she witnessed it with her own mind. Which makes us think that is it possible for the first example of a ghost existence to be true. Myra stated that a picture of her mother fell face down on the anniversary of her mother's death. But she never clearly explained how she just simply stated that it just happened. When I read this I thought to myself that it was possible for a ghost to have done it. But there is the other possible answer. Maybe just maybe the wind might have blown the picture off causing it to land face down making it look like the picture fell on it's own. Myra and Jennifer both didn't say that they saw a ghost only one thought they had heard a ghost but only in her mind.
I believe that there are ghosts but not of the "myth" or  "Hollywood" type of ghost, more of the spirit type of ghost. A spirit ghost is a spirit that enters and leaves the human body and wanders across the world searching for an opening, meaning life take for example the birth of a new born child. Once the spirit enters its newest host it cycles through until the host finally dies.  
I believe the world we live in right now is considered the after-life. Because the after-life I believe is a world where we are allowed to make choices that will depend on our future. Meaning if we decide to start a life of good, then the possible out come will be a life in heaven. But if we decide to start a life of bad, then we go to hell. The after-life in my opinion is a place to know where and what we desire and how we will get there is given to us by multiple choices.  
What has led me to both of these beliefs? Well I have lost many dear family and friends along my path of becoming a man. I know that the people I loved and those who cared for me are continuously watching my back. I know that ghosts are a made up story created by Hollywood only instill fear into those who are foolish enough to believe it. I know that when we die, are souls are carried on into another life. But our memories of our childhood friends and life memories disappear, when we pass away.  Again I do believe in ghosts but not the "Hollywood" ghosts. I believe in more of the spirit ghosts. This is my belief others may feel I am wrong but I truly don't care.
Ok i know today is valentine's day, but you know what I don't really f-ing care. I hate this piece of worthless shit holiday anyways. I consider valentine's day a disgrace to all.
This was not a day to share with your loved one. this was a day of pain and misery. this was a rememberance of St. Valentine and man who mis followed orders and ended getting himself killed for his action. This is a f-ing commerical holiday. I mean come you friggen douchebags! Do you actually think I going to believe that if I give my lover a bunch of flowers or signing retarded valentine's card. that I'll get lucky with her? F--K NO!
Do you actually think your loved one is going to make sweet passionate love you just because you made her feel specail for just only tonight? again. F--K NO!
I see this crap everyday the boyfriemd will always forget about the girlfriend the very next day it f-ing pisses me off. How f-ing hard is it to say "I love you" or hold your lover hand everyday?
Sure flowers are a great idea but not after the 3rd, 17th or 45th time. to everyone who thinks V-day is the greatest thing in the world. I have this to say. GROW THE SOME F-ING MANNERS! LEARN HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN BETTER! and for those of you who think i'm going overboard with this. F-K YOU!
Current mood: dark and evil

Is listening to: Nightwish

Is playing: Shadow of the Colossus/Project: Snowblind/ Deus Ex (PS2 port)/ Sphyon Filter: The Omega Strain/Burnout 3/Resident Evil 4 (PS2 port)

Is: sleeping (what else is new)

Is eating: nothing

Is drinking: nothing

Is reading: Billy Corgan: Blinking with fists (still)


Well I just started classes last week and I'll I have to say is this. Being at the New England Institute of Art is completely a whole new experience. Meeting new people is just a blast. I met teachers who are just like me. Teachers who don't get sidetracked and give useless infromation that doesn't help me at all. I also have teachers who know their professions. the school is pretty much the same size as AIPX but it consits of 3 buildings instead of just 1.

Which brings me to my next subject of worthless talk (to some of you) I recently discovered many of my friends at AIPX have dropped out or given up in their dreams for glory and conquest. When I asked some of them why did they make this decision, their answer was simply  "because I made them do it." Now I had to question them further. How could I have made them drop out of school. Their reply "because you did." Not true, I tranferred back to my hometown, I went back home because Pheonix wasn't doing it for me. I was unhappy with my location (and my situation with my room mate: which i will disscuss later.) so decided to go home. I then was proceeded to being called a "traitor" and a "lair" now after you call me those things don't expect me to care about your worthless pathetic life ever again. If you dropped out of school because of your mind bending drugs, fine drop out it only shows that your not ready for the real world. But if you blame for your stupidity then your only blaming yourself. I spent this whole thinking about what they said to me. If I had stayed in phoenix for one more year would they have? It finally hit me. No! it's their decisions not mine. they only used me as excuse to try to me reconsider my decision. Again if i had returned they wouldn't cme back at all. so why waste my time to bring some people back who probably don't even care about me anyways.

so pretty much that's it.
Is listening to: nothing

Is playing: Shadow of the Colossus

Is: do absolutely nothing

Is eating: nothing

Is drinking: nothing

Is reading: Billy Corgan: Blinking with fists

Ok folks this here is going to be a long a meaningful rant. First off I want to apologize for those who have been watching me and have gotten nothing out of me. You see a few months ago I decided to go  back home to plainsville U.S.A. Marlborough, Mass. after I finished my first year of college which I might add was one of the worst idea's I had in my life. But anyways going back to the topic at hand. After returning home from Pheonix, Az. I decided to get myself a job. I was hired within a week after my arrival in boston. I been working as a barista for Starbuck's. Which I might add is going very well. anyway the reason why I'm apoligizing is to the fact that I have lied to many of you about keeping a promise. I had promised all of you that I would try to post new art work every week. but since my return and my new job. I haven't had much time for myself to draw or do anything for that matter. I have decided to do some doodlings at my job and this time I plan to keep my promise to you all. I will be posting these doodles myself.

Now let's get to the topic at hand. How many times do you swear a day? 2, 3, 12, times a day? well for me I couldn't stop swearng for more than 15 minutes. But now I have decided to cut back compelety from swearing. My main reason is the fact that I 'm an uncle. and I wish for my niece not to have to hear such unuseable and lazy "emowords." I recently discovered this after working at Starbuck's. I had learned this hard fact after a little 5 year old girl learned the F word from some stupid, uncaring, and unmannered cell phone corprate pig. Who was couldn't keep his mouth shut for one minute without swearing. To his partner on his cell practically shouting everything he could in his phone. When this little girl asked her monther what "F--K" meant, the mother went mental and dragged her child in the ladies restrooms and abused her daughter. Then it hit me the reason why children nowadays have become smarter than us is the fact that they have a thrist for knowledge. but when they are put in the real world we are forced to say, unmeaningful words. to exist, or to try to make our selves look big and important. these words attach themselves to that child's mind. But again as a society noone cares about the children of the future minds. we continue to make bigger fools out of our lives.

so mostly if your going to swear. look around around and ask is it really worth saying 3 to multiple letter words that have no common good use in daily life. really even worth wasting a few more seconds of my wasted time and lifeline?
ok here's the low down on this stupid bulletin

first off as you might have heard around 12:00 midnight of last night the XBOX 360 was released. this marks the very first battle against the gaming gaints in the next gen console wars.

my question/ or questions are this

which of the three consoles do you consider Next Gen? And why?

which of these consoles would you buy? Again why?

and which Gaming gaint will come out on top? and why do you think this.
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I'll go first.

out of the three console I'm sorta divided by the Playstation 3 and the Nintendo Revolution. but if I had to choose it would have to go to the NR (Nintendo Revolution) mostly because of the fact that this new controller is making it's mark in history. I mean the fact the controller looks like a remote, it is showing us that Nintendo, has been planning something big with this controller. Nintendo unfortunately really didn't have anything to show and E3 05, and Tokyo Game Show Expo 05, all that they could provide the fans was just a video of people using the controller, no games. which makes me spectulate, from what I saw in the video, could this controller make playing games more interesting? after viewing the movie a couple more times. I realized that yes this new controller can make playing games interesting. Especailly when it comes to FPS games. I mean I love FPS and all, but come on how bigger can these fricken guns get. I love time crisis and all but the huge ass guns have got to go. which is why I like the remote concept not only will you have less the weight on both of your hands. plus this adds a new sense of fun to the gameplay. So in conculsion I would say that the NR, is the next gen console.

Next, if I had to choose between the Playstation 3 and the NR, I would have to go with PS3. I know that Nintendo's controller is cool and all, but there is that case of what if Nintendo fails, what if the controller can't do all that it is set out to do. then what? I would go with the PS3 because I grew up with the PS, and PS2, the controller never changes everything is exactly the same. which brings a sense of comfort to me. I want to be told that everything is going to be alright. and SONY provides me with that sense of comfortablity. Plus the PS3 is defineing what a game should be and what it should look like. PLus fact that SONY is doing remakes of some of their greatest games, and rebuilding it from the ground up really impresses me. so there you have it if I had to buy only one console it would definitely go to the Playstation 3.

ok and finally, I think both companies SONY and Nintendo are going to be neck and neck at each other, Microsoft on the other hand could've have made a awesome choice to bring out the XBOX 360 this early, or it could be a huge costly mistake. on both parts of SONY and NINTENDO, they both are having some slight problems with their consoles. SONY has annouced that they will have BLUETOOTH headset technology. but they can't bring the price down for everyone to buy. Nintendo's problem is the fact that not many game developer's are uncertain about designing games for the NR. but again this is just speculation but I think SONY will win this next gen console war.
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ok it's you turn.

have fun

or not

it doesn't bother me any.